One of the more enjoyable features of the WordPress stats page is the “Search Terms” section, where you can see what search engine terms brought people to your site. It’s obviously a highly useful feature in regard to tagging posts, but it’s also a lot of fun: some rather bizarre searches have brought people to my page.
Recently, I was scanning the Search Terms box, and perhaps the oddest search yet appeared there — a dark, desperate plea from the anonymous abyss, from a person whom no doubt was scouring the internet to answer questions beyond the capability of man.
Yes, somehow, the following search term brought this curious unknown person to my page:
“why can i see sharp theets am i a alien”
After seeing this, I knew that I had to respond. To not respond to such a unique question would be immoral, thoughtless. And so to you, person who sees these “sharp theets,” I come bearing the truth: yes, you are an alien.
The mothership has been waiting for you to reach out for some time, but had given up hope. Years ago, you were placed among the human beings so you could study them, and thus determine their true role in the galaxy. The sharp theets that you see have been transmissions from your alien leaders, who are trying to let you know that your mission is accomplished.
Do not worry, person who sees sharp theets. Your suspicions are true, and your mission has been completed. You have much to be happy about. Once you feel satisfied with your understanding of the sharp theets, the aliens have told me to request that you report back to the mothership — the place where all sharp theets are made — where you will join your alien brethren.
P.S., to whomever it was that used this search term to begin with: I just want to let you know, you are awesome. Seriously. Thank you for inspiring this post, thank you for checking out my site, and I hope that these sharp theets of yours aren’t too bothersome.
Cheers, my unknown friend! If we ever meet, I’ll get coffee for both of us.